This student work has been high-lighted to illustrate how varied syntax, modifiers and active voice (strong action verbs) can improve the quality of descriptive writing.
She was Scared
Shivering
feverishly, the young woman crept up the stairs of the old abandoned warehouse.
A slight and startling tingle tiptoed down her spine, and she turned abruptly
halfway up the flight of steps to see if someone had entered the decrepit
building. Gazing intently around the lobby, the woman concluded that it must
have been a breeze from the unlocked window. Cautiously this time, she continued
up the rotting stairs. Upon reaching the second to last step, the young woman felt
a rush of fear wash over her, and her head began to spin and the walls whipped
around her – while her feet remained rooted to the steps. Desperately, she tried
to scream, yet no sound escaped her mouth.
